In the last few months, I've come across several blogs focused on eating disorder recovery that I've found both comforting and helpful. I really enjoy Surfacing After Silence, to name one - I find her insightful and very honest, without judgement...and that ability - to be honest without judgement - appears to be one that can be useful when recovering from these illnesses. I've noted it again and again in people I've known (or known of) to have recovered fully.
I'll be clear: at the moment, I'm not recovered or in recovery. That's my goal, but I'm not there yet. I'll also state here and now that this particular blog entry and possibly the coming ones may not be very well organized. I imagine they may at times mirror my current cognitive defecits and I'm almost certain I'll leave a lot out, because sometimes it's overwhelming to try to put to words what I'm thinking or feeling. But for a number of reasons I've decided to start this blog now...and I hope that it will help me in providing me a place to organize my thoughts in this regard (my recovery) and funnel them into one space.
So hello world of blogging! My name is Sofia. I'm twenty one years old, and I've struggled with disordered eating (which, of course, morphed into a full blown eating disorder) for approximately twelve years now. It's taken various forms and for the purposes of this first post the details are unimportant.
In a few weeks, I'll be going into treatment for what I hope will be the last time. I don't think that formal inpatient or residential treatment is the only way that a person with an eating disorder can recover (in fact I've seen some people who were very ill recover without), but I do think that it can be very helpful, and in my opinion is currently appropriate and necessary for me. It's been a long, viscious road and after some thought I decided, this time, to put everything that I have into making "this time" different - utilizing any and all resources I think could help me. Which is why I've made the decision to step down in the levels of care as gradually as possible and available to me; I intend to step down from the residential level of care into transitional living, and then move to the area near the facility I'll be going into, as they offer alumni support groups and there's a pretty amazing network of recovered or in recovery alumni in the area. It's a big step for me. I don't like change, and I'm scared. I'm afraid I might fail, and there's a lot on the line - financially and otherwise. By the same token I'm excited because I have caught glimpses of what it could mean to recover, to be in recovery...and it seems to be an entirely different world than the one I've been (not) living in while actively ill. I'm excited and terrified to discover and create a new life for myself.
My intentions for this blog are to be open and honest even and possibly especially when I'm unsure of myself. If I believe in the power of anything it's the power of honesty.
That's all, for now. Let's see if I actually keep up with this blogging thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment